It's so true...

Recently read on eileen's msn nick.. it's troo that the ones who appear the strongest are the weakest... haha... and.. i seriously can relate to that.. and i think most of u that read my blog on a regular basis and also know the me that's not glued to this screen... can and will also agree that i may appear strong.. but i'm more or less quite shattered beyond recognition on da inside...

well, service today... hmm.. i did get what pastor stanley said.. understood it perfectly... hmm... was quite ok la... i guess... the thing that hit the most was that there just seem to be more and more couples in church.. and looking at the way they treat each other.. i really miss the old times.. heh.. ok.. so maybe it's me.. and maybe i've been too dependant.. but... oh well...

heh.. ok la.. enough said.. don't wanna rant and rave that much... heh...

From the heart..

ok.. so i'm back for a much awaited post.. well, it's late, there's church service at 8am tmr.. or should i say... later.. but... i just can't sleep... everytime i shut my eyes and pray that i'll wander off into dreamland, i get rather disturbing thoughts about work and all.. and the scariest part is that it's only internship and not the real world... i'm seriously dreading going to work after i finish school coz it's just way beyong freaky..

many countless number of people have asked me why i'm always so tired... when i say it's becoz of work, no one quite believes me and some offer to trade places with me.. but.. when i tell them my full job scope, they kind of freak and take back their offer... if you don't believe, try handling most of the admin duties for 1 club and 3 associations.. by club, i'm not talking about bowling here.. it's strictly internship... then, you've gotta do invoicing and receipts for 2 of those 4 assoc... not cool huh... on top of that, i've got a few web design projects in between.. (hmm.. in between doesn't take up too much time.. does it?? ) if you're thinking that, you are once again so wrong.. it IS time consuming.. coz you've gotta research, plan, layout n actually do da freaking thing... unless you've got a God given talent and can come up with a brand new concept/idea in a split second.. haha.. and.. not to mention, maintain da databases for 3 of da assoc... oh.. wait.. there's more.. heh.. design and do presentations for people... hmm... attend 2 of the assoc. events to do the registration part for them.. and the events kind of happen 2-3 times a month.. yup.. i think that's about it.. hmm.. hang on there.. one last thing... be da "secretary to 3 of da directors in my co... x.x yeah... that's it.. haha.. now u know why i look so tired... there's just so much to do... it's scary... it's all about datelines... and if u don't carry through, chances are, you'll get told off or scolded... not fun.. not encouraging... not funny... now u know why it's disturbing...

if the world was as simple as some of you see it, there would really not be a need for police.. coz there'd probably be no crimes, no terrorism, no hatred, no pain... sure... we're all hoping for a perfect world.. but WAKE UP!!! it's just not gonna happen.. you've got a problem, you'll just have to deal with it...

but...

i guess i'm not in da right position to tell anyone anything about that... everything's been piled up on each other lately that (ok.. i'll admit) even i'm running and hiding from some things... but.. yet again, life catches u... and pokes u in da side going.. "u can't hide..." and.. come to think about it, "u can't run very far either..." heh..

i don't know... some people say i've got a tough life... that life's just not fair to some people.. or.. some say.. if life doesn't hit you now, it'll hit u sooner or later... hmm.. yeah.. troo.. life is full of choices... full of surprises.. full of ups and downs... but strangely enough, i don't feel that my life is much different from others... i think it's probably about the same.. juz that the problems are in different areas of life..

for me, even though i seem quite "in control" most of the time, i'm actually finding extremely difficult to live life without someone by my side.. by that, i mean boyfriend more than normal friend or god... don't get my wrong.. i really thank god for my friends.. and.. i know god's always there for me... but yeah.. i juz miss having someone i can share everything and anything with.. miss da hugs n kisses... hmm... did i mention HUGS?? heh...

ok.. so some of u might be going.. OMG! why's she suddenly so mushy?? but hey.. i'm a gal too ya noe.. i can feel exactly the same thing other gals can feel whether they are the "super girl" type or the "super manja" type... or the "anything goes" type...

and.. ok.. so i'm being a bit straight forward here, but if you like me, tell me... if u don't like something about me, tell me too... i'm not exactly the ultimate bitch who'll blow at anyone and everyone over small matters.. ask anyone around... all my friends.. i think they can testify that i don't quite blow up unless i'm in a bad mood.. or.. unless u really really deserve it.. =x haha..

k la.. cleared most of my mind... nitez~

throbbing headache..
heavy eyelids..
completing a project..
going to school for a seminar..
getting "abandoned" by your own comm member..
finding out that the dateline is infact the next day..
finding out that despite how tired u are, you've gotta do it with them coz u're the only one who attended the training..
and best of all..
you've gotta sign a hard copy after the whole shitty process is done..

meanwhile..
staring at 2 monitors..
straining eyes some more..
short concentration..
don't know what people will think of your work..
dunno wad kind of shit you'll get into trouble for later..
don't know what time i can leave..
don't think i can go for my long awaited massage..
hoping very hard that the people mentioned in the above can make it tonite..
hoping that i won't have to do everything..
lastly..
hoping i'll get a much needed break..