throbbing headache..
heavy eyelids..
completing a project..
going to school for a seminar..
getting "abandoned" by your own comm member..
finding out that the dateline is infact the next day..
finding out that despite how tired u are, you've gotta do it with them coz u're the only one who attended the training..
and best of all..
you've gotta sign a hard copy after the whole shitty process is done..

meanwhile..
staring at 2 monitors..
straining eyes some more..
short concentration..
don't know what people will think of your work..
dunno wad kind of shit you'll get into trouble for later..
don't know what time i can leave..
don't think i can go for my long awaited massage..
hoping very hard that the people mentioned in the above can make it tonite..
hoping that i won't have to do everything..
lastly..
hoping i'll get a much needed break..

Many knives thru my heart...

I'm sorry if my blog just keeps getting more depressing... it's just that.... i need an output somewhere... and... i'm not the sort to show it everyday.. i'm more the sort who stores it up til i can't take it anymore.. and... now's one of the times when i can't quite take it anymore... ok.. so my Terms of Reference is due tmr... but who gives a shit now... how many people actually know how bad it hurts inside?!?! how many people actually bother?? how many people have actually realised u've gone missing and take the effort to look you up???

To all the church people..... hmm... let's just say i got no idea what's going on anymore.. everything seems so different... u guys... or maybe gals... have somehow found the time to keep in contact with each other... and honestly... u pple seem to talk in code nowadays... not that i wanna say anything bout it.. but... just take a step back and see how many single people stand around waiting for something to happen... and since i've taken a step back, i've realised that too... and don't worry too much.. coz as much as it seems that i've disappeared, i'll still be around.. unless of course, i decide to visit other churches.. which i might just do...

To all my bowling buddies out there... you guys have been awesome... da support that u all give and all... just that... the one thing that puzzles me is... why's there so much childishness between u all?? can't u all just grow up and accept other people for who they are without comparing who's got better personality or character!?!??! don't u guys know that friends are a big foundation in any individual's life?!?! w/o friends, we'd be completely nothing... hello.. like wake up la! ok la.. but it's every humans fault... and i just love the way that we can put everything aside when we bowl.. as in.. all differences gone... nice feeling.. haha..

To my starbucks friends... love ur carefree life... but hate the fact that there's so much weird stuff going on... ok la.. not say that carefree.. but i love SB culture! yeah! haha.. hmm.. am actually still considering if i should go back.. not sure bout that.. half of me wants to, da other half... i dunno.. kind of sitting on the bench..

ok... now it gets more personal...

firstly, to alpha... i know it's been difficult for u... and.. it is for me too... but... things just weren't right... never thought i'd say this, but i do miss you... somehow, the being too dependant on each other part that we dreaded... really came thru... again, i'm saying it is incredibly difficult... for the record, i don't regret anything that's happened... i'm glad it did... think i've somehow learnt a lot more about life from you...

next.. to wj.. who'll prob nv read this.. but it's ok anyway..wish i didn't say anything to you.. hoped it was like last time.. gaming in da atrium... crapping a lot in school and on da way to training... miss da old u where we could talk about anything under the sun.. now it seems like everything revolves around da club...

i juz want to be treated like a human.. no.. actually, like a friend... ranks aren't all that impt to me... what matters most is the friendship... who care's if i'm da president? or wadeva else... i'm still the same me that u got to know.. that implys to all of you out there... who cares whether i'm doing my attachment now or whether times have changed such that i don't spend as much time with u?? i'm still the same me u all got to know from da start...

lastly, i'd like to thank nell... who's always been there to listen when i have my near breakdowns and tempers and all that... thanks babe... u rock my world! =)

ok.. that's enough for today.. think it's really really long...
but.. at least it's all off my chest... heh..

tata

someone killed the night...

heh... life kind of sux... normally, sat evenings are spent with church people.. but today, we had our final comm gathering for last yr's comm.. well, first n last.. heh.. dinner was fun... but one by one.. people just HAD to leave... ok la.. not really their fault... but yeah... alicia had to go meet her friends.. den lionel left... den derek not allowed to go out late... den davin didn't wanna go out late coz there was no car.. and den... there were 2... 2's not really that fun to hang out... and besides, he was looking for other friends to go out with too...
sometimes, i really wished i had more crazy n out going friends... haha.. and maybe a few more who look hot.. haha.. ok.. so i'm mad.. but yeah.. lately, it feels as if my life's all about work and responsibilities... kind of sux.. when i've got time to go hang out and chill.. everyone else seems to have other agendas... and on other days.... when they go out, i've gotta be home early so i can get up for work da next day... argh... frustrating.. is there more to me than juz work and being responsible and living up to others expectations!?!? sigh..

being me is difficult...

hmm.. i think quite a few of u may disagree to the title.. but to me, it's life.. seriously...

imagine if u wake up everyday... doing things just to please others and try your very best to make everyone around you happy... hmm.. doesn't sound too bad does it?! everybody's happy, you're happy.. well.. that's seriously what i used to thihnk.. until lately.. heh... but i guess... that's life... everybody.. ok lar.. maybe not everyone.. but a lot of people tend to take other people for granted.. it's quite sickening... and there are also some... who realise they've been mis-treating you... and have a total change of heart to try making up for it... and sometimes, the way they try's really freaky...

ok.. the past 1 and a half weeks since my last update.. well, it's been busy... work's quite a killer.. getting many things from many people who don't know what each other give me.. -_-" but yeah.. i guess i'm coping.. juz that take short breaks here and there coz the screen really kills... end up staying back late on quite a few days coz u just hafta rush stuff...

infact, it can sometimes be so tiring that... yeah.. i din have the energy to train on monday... it's like... how bad can life get?!?! everything tires u out... and u have absolutely no time to rest coz your schedule's so packed with stuff... it's either u gotta live up to others expectations.. or u've gotta make sure things go smoothly... heh.. it's sometimes such a chore... heh.. oh well.. but i guess i should quit complaining coz i enjoy making things happen..

oh.. and i guess i kind of got into trouble coz i overslept this morning and din check my phone so i could inform da others that lunch had been cancelled... guys.. if u all read this, i'm really really sorry... mr gerald ang actually msged me at 10 plus in da morning... but i din wake up til 12.15..
:( paiseh.. esp to arthur who i know already left the house... and wj.. for getting there 5 mins after i msged him... sorry...

k lar.. that's about it for now, i really gotta go do my work now... sucks rite?! gotta bring home office work to do... bleahx... k lar.. ciao..

Blinded

haha... interesting title don't u think, i think, it can mean many many different things... but for now, the only thing is literally going blind...

with the office coms, i am quite sure i'll go blind by the time i finish here... heh... -_-"

Life now...

since i've got the strength, i'll take this chance to quickly update my blog...
well.. exams have ended... and... yes... attachment has started... heh... well, hmm... i guess i totally had no idea what to expect... was pretty blur... din have much expectations... so.. yeah.. things have been really good... everyone at da office's real cool... although really busy... and thank god i don't end up like some other interns who have to wash toilets when they get in.. heh.. pity them manz... haha... yup... my long day doesn't seem so long.. but it is fairly long... yup.. that's about all i have to say bout that. can't be bothered to type too much...

and.. i also prob did da hardest thing eva todae... i returned my starbucks card to gen.. damn sad lar.. but nvm lar.. i think i won't be able to stay away for long... or maybe... aiyah.. i don't know!!!! but yeah.. i may be back... so... yeah.. only time can tell... yup... tata!

lost

am once again supposed to be studying.. but here i am again....

times have changed so much since like... 2002... 2003... things back then was all about having fun... minding your own business... having people make decisions for u... laid back.. relaxed life... those times were good...

now... everything's constantly changing... everyone's constantly changing.. or.. i think everyone is.. well... that's not my point... i think since i left yckss... my life has been... hmm... changing.. and honestly, i think it kind of changed for the worst... sure i was the school bitch last time.. but at least i knew exactly what i was doing... and the reasons i was doing it for.. now... i've changed... completely changed.. i don't know myself anymore... when i look in the mirror.. i see a changed gal... physically.. probably betta than last time... but... character wise... i got absolutely no idea who i am... everywhere i go.... it's a different mask for a different occasion.. only a few people have seen the troo me... or so i think lar...

ah!! someone pls help find me... i got no idea who i am no more... i don't like the feeling.. and i definately don't like where i am now... argh...