Many knives thru my heart...

I'm sorry if my blog just keeps getting more depressing... it's just that.... i need an output somewhere... and... i'm not the sort to show it everyday.. i'm more the sort who stores it up til i can't take it anymore.. and... now's one of the times when i can't quite take it anymore... ok.. so my Terms of Reference is due tmr... but who gives a shit now... how many people actually know how bad it hurts inside?!?! how many people actually bother?? how many people have actually realised u've gone missing and take the effort to look you up???

To all the church people..... hmm... let's just say i got no idea what's going on anymore.. everything seems so different... u guys... or maybe gals... have somehow found the time to keep in contact with each other... and honestly... u pple seem to talk in code nowadays... not that i wanna say anything bout it.. but... just take a step back and see how many single people stand around waiting for something to happen... and since i've taken a step back, i've realised that too... and don't worry too much.. coz as much as it seems that i've disappeared, i'll still be around.. unless of course, i decide to visit other churches.. which i might just do...

To all my bowling buddies out there... you guys have been awesome... da support that u all give and all... just that... the one thing that puzzles me is... why's there so much childishness between u all?? can't u all just grow up and accept other people for who they are without comparing who's got better personality or character!?!??! don't u guys know that friends are a big foundation in any individual's life?!?! w/o friends, we'd be completely nothing... hello.. like wake up la! ok la.. but it's every humans fault... and i just love the way that we can put everything aside when we bowl.. as in.. all differences gone... nice feeling.. haha..

To my starbucks friends... love ur carefree life... but hate the fact that there's so much weird stuff going on... ok la.. not say that carefree.. but i love SB culture! yeah! haha.. hmm.. am actually still considering if i should go back.. not sure bout that.. half of me wants to, da other half... i dunno.. kind of sitting on the bench..

ok... now it gets more personal...

firstly, to alpha... i know it's been difficult for u... and.. it is for me too... but... things just weren't right... never thought i'd say this, but i do miss you... somehow, the being too dependant on each other part that we dreaded... really came thru... again, i'm saying it is incredibly difficult... for the record, i don't regret anything that's happened... i'm glad it did... think i've somehow learnt a lot more about life from you...

next.. to wj.. who'll prob nv read this.. but it's ok anyway..wish i didn't say anything to you.. hoped it was like last time.. gaming in da atrium... crapping a lot in school and on da way to training... miss da old u where we could talk about anything under the sun.. now it seems like everything revolves around da club...

i juz want to be treated like a human.. no.. actually, like a friend... ranks aren't all that impt to me... what matters most is the friendship... who care's if i'm da president? or wadeva else... i'm still the same me that u got to know.. that implys to all of you out there... who cares whether i'm doing my attachment now or whether times have changed such that i don't spend as much time with u?? i'm still the same me u all got to know from da start...

lastly, i'd like to thank nell... who's always been there to listen when i have my near breakdowns and tempers and all that... thanks babe... u rock my world! =)

ok.. that's enough for today.. think it's really really long...
but.. at least it's all off my chest... heh..

tata