lost

i'm sitting here right now suddenly feeling lost. i don't know what's in store for the future. i don't know if what i'm doing is or what i will be doing constructive for my future. i don't know if it would end up more a disaster either.

in life, the biggest problem is when you think you know what you're doing or what you intend to do. but the people around you don't do things with the pace you want to get things done at. biggest problem is that nothing is within your control. you've done all you can and that's about it.

..disheartened..

another one and a half mths gone with the wind...

I honestly didn't know it's been that long since my last update. since then, da dramas have more or less died down.

end sept, early oct, i took a trip up to KL for business.. relatively eventful however, not quite enough info to kick anything off. still in the process of that discussion. it was nice to get to know my aunt and cousin better after always being the small girl who hides behind mommy.. haha.. it was cool.. too bad i didn't have the guts to drive around KL.. damn.. haha..

besides that, started to slow down n study for my exams as and when I could. decided to help rex with barossa's halloween event. i must say, i did kind of enjoy myself. however, i'm one who cannot put up with incompetence. or with people who get priorities and details messed up. frustrating at the same time, definitely a sense of achievement when things have successfully gone up.

might end up taking a break from studies for awhile. got offered quite a good opportunity that those close to me think i should take it up. at the same time, i guess i'll have to be careful and put everything down in black and white.

as for forex.. it still kind of puzzles me.. prob coz there's juz so much on my mind that i can't concentrate on one specific thing..

grandma.. well, the metal stuff that was on her hand has been taken off and her bone is fusing well.. juz that she's being spoilt beyond belief.. to the extent that she gets fed... -_-" actually now that i think about it, i do miss her fussing over me.. it's juz different when she's not herself or when she's not around (i mean in hospital or something.. i really don't wanna think that far..)

anyway, all the events that have happened have strained my r/s a lil. but hey. i guess that's life rite? hopefully, i'll be able to find a balance between everything. hopefully, everything will turn out ok..

the craziest thing is that i'm so feeling the pinch from 2 of my ex-bfs.. they've both recently changed their relationship status to in a r/s.. and i'm quite sure that they juz started out. whereas for us, we've been dating for more than 3 mths.. and facebook still states we're both still single. or at least he is anyway. i've gotten that annoyed that i've juz removed the r/s status off my profile page.. heh..

i'm really happy for them. really.. i am.. wish i could be happy for myself too.. i want the world to know. den again, i've more or less been labelled a bitch anyway... well, i'm sure it doesn't matter that much.. maybe i'm juz throwing a immature, illogical little girl tantrum here.. strange thing is, recognition isn't supposed to be one of my stronger love gifts either.. haha.. strange.. oh well..

life... a never ending soap opera....

it's amazing how life seems so simple.. but yet.. people are able to complicate matters to a point where it's incomprehensible to sometimes.. even the one who started it..

makes u wonder why people butt in to things that don't concern them.. if they wanna be positive, den so be it.. but why do people tend to waste so much of their energy trying to wreck something that absolutely has no benefit to them wad so eva...

why can't people be problem solvers and not problem makers?? and why can't people who wanna solve problems do it in the fastest possible way?? makes me think that everyone's quite a sadist out there.. juz wanna prolong things that absolutely waste time and effort.. on top of that, end up hurting people and hurting themselves in the process...

at the same time, why must some people be such party poopers??? don't they have a life? do they want everyone else around them to be life-less as well??

come to think about it, i'm really thankful for a mom whom i'm damn close too.. no pretenses wad so eva.. although a lil annoying at times.. but oh well...

life's life.. doubt it'll change much.. but they few things about me and life are basically..

- life's short. i dun wanna end it with regrets.. therefore, i can be very stubborn the bulk of the time.. (check with my mom n friends if u don't believe..)
- i dun give a f*** bout wad people think of me.. (most pple anyway.. besides.. coming from my ego, i'm quite sure my mom raised me well) i'm juz myself.. so take it or leave it.. and if u choose to f*** off, pls be my guest. juz make sure u dun hang around..
- i'm nice most of the time.. unless you wanna waste your time n backstab the shit out of me.. i'll prob waste juz a few mins of my time on u.. more or less sufficient to get my msg across..

argh.. forget it.. i'm juz too frustrated to write anymore..